The Awakening by Kate Chopin

I read The Awakening for the first time my senior year of high school. It was required reading, but I was completely captivated. It was the first time I ever stayed up ridiculously late with a book, unable to put it down...I remember it was snowing...we had no power. I was curled up in a chair in the living room, blankets piled on, candles flickering...but Kate Chopin swept me a million miles away...summer...1899...Grand Isle. I could smell the salt air. Hear the waves crashing. Feel the sand beneath my feet. Because I was 17...romantic and idealistic...I strongly identified with Edna Pontellier. I felt so sorry for her...trapped in a loveless marriage. Expected to act in a certain way. Entirely without options...without control. I desperately wanted her to leave her husband and run away with Robert Lebrun. I cried when Robert left her; and in the end, I admired her decision...I saw her as strong and noble.

I remembered my experience with the book fondly, and several years later, I decided to read it again, expecting to enjoy it in exactly the same way. But by that time, life had knocked some of the romance and idealism out of me. I was surprised to discover that Edna no longer seemed heroic. Throughout my second reading, I saw her as weak and selfish. In the end, I was angry with her for what she had done to her husband and children. I believed the strong thing would have been to stay and endure. She simply quit.

I still loved the book, though...just in a different way. It became a measure of how I had changed over time. My memory of the first reading was like a pencil mark on a door frame...I could look at it and see how I'd grown.

When my book club was contemplating our July selection, The Awakening immediately came to mind. I knew there would be a lot to discuss...plus, selfishly, I wanted to read it again. It had been about seven years since the last time, and I was curious to see how I would feel this time around. I also wanted to know how my experiences compared to the experiences of other readers.

As soon as I began to read, it felt like I was stepping into a favorite pair of jeans...the soft, worn-in pair that fits just right. The world of the story was so familiar and comfortable. I read the first few chapters tentatively, waiting to see what kinds of feelings would surface...Would I be more sympathetic now or would I still feel angry with Edna??? Surprisingly...as the book wore on...I really felt very little.

This time my reading took on more of an evaluative/analytical quality. I read without any sense of urgency or hope because I remembered the story well. I felt emotionally detached but more mindfully engaged. I considered the changes in Edna more carefully. I looked for evidence that she tried to make it work. I thought more about the context in which Kate Chopin was working. Marveled at how modern it feels. Sought to understand what she was trying to say about people and the world in which she lived.

This time, I saw the conflict on a larger scale. It's about so much more than Edna's love for Robert...her yearning for something she can't have...her passionless marriage...even the societal expectations. What she goes through in The Awakening is timeless and fundamentally HUMAN. It's something we all experience during certain phases...at least to some extent. She becomes dissatisfied with her life and seeks to change it for the better. She begins to chase after happiness and believes she can find it...IF. IF she starts painting again...IF she moves out of the big house...IF she has Robert...She quickly tries to fill herself up with one thing after another, acting on every whim, doing what feels good, but nothing works for long. Her spirit is restless and insatiable. Nothing has meaning. Chopin explains, "There was no one thing in the world she desired. There was no human being she wanted near her except Robert; and she even realized the day would come when he, too, and the thought of him would melt out of her existence, leaving her alone." Edna comes to see the world as a harsh and lonely place...She loses hope...She can't imagine life any other way.

This time, her decision at the end of the book felt like the only option. It wasn't brave or cowardly...strong or weak. It was unfortunate but inevitable. There was no other way it could have ended. This time, I didn't judge her at all.

Next time, who knows? I'm sure I'll see it differently. That's the brilliant thing about this novel...it's complex and intricate. It can be read on different levels...held up and examined from different angles and in different lights.

I don't often re-read books because...as the quote at the top of the page states...there are too many books out there and not enough time...but this experience has inspired me to revisit some other old favorites soon...see what's new...

Up next...Ethan Frome.

Her Fearful Symmetry by Audrey Niffeneger

I honestly don't know what to say about this book. It is quite possibly the strangest thing I've ever read. I was drawn into it immediately...hooked by the mystery surrounding the older set of twins, Edie and Elspeth...Why were they estranged? How was Jack involved?...And I was curious about what would happen to the younger twins in London. Would they uncover this deep, dark family secret??? Would the course of their lives be changed forever???

There was no way I could have anticipated what actually unfolded. It was far too bizarre. I feel like I was set up to expect one thing, and what I got was totally different. As far as I can tell, the climax had nothing whatsoever to do with the Edie and Elspeth situation Niffenegger set up at the beginning of the novel. Eventually, you do find out what happened between them, but it's insignificant by that point. It's been overshadowed. The characters themselves don't seem to care about it, and I was too preoccupied with the crazy, supernatural twist things had taken. It almost seems like it could have been two separate novels...or maybe even three...

I thought the ending was not only strange, but it was also unsatisfying. Strange would have been ok...but I was left with so many questions, and so much of what happened didn't add up for me. I spent the day after I finished reading trying to untangle it all in my mind...to no avail...I'm still just as perplexed as I was when I read the final page.

Fahrenheit 451

I'm not sure how I made it through high school and college without reading this one...it's one of those books people reference and I think...I should really read that...but not being a huge sci-fi person, it never made it to the top of my list. Then, Daniel read it while we were at the beach last week. He finished it, and it was just laying there waiting for me to pick it up.

Honesly, getting through it was hard work. I didn't really enjoy it while I was reading it. It felt so sparse and cold. It was hard for me to find my place in Bradbury's world. I had so many questions...which I bombarded Daniel with constantly. But I love it now...I love it more each day. I guess I needed to sit with it a while and think it through.

It was hard for me in part because I had some preconceived notions going in...I was expecting something more Orwellian...the government policing what people read and say and do. I thought "they" would be the ones banning and burning books, trying to keep people pacified and powerless. As it turns out, in Bradbury's futuristic society, the censorship started with the people. Captain Beatty explains, "It didn't come from the Government down. There was no dictum, no declaration, no censorship, to start with, no! Technology, mass exploitation, and minority pressure carried the trick..." It seems the people originally began to censor books because they wanted to keep the peace...they didn't want anyone to be upset by anything. They whittled away at books...a line here...a paragraph there...then entire pages and sections...Captain Beatty goes on: "Colored people don't like Little Black Sambo. Burn it. White people don't feel good about Uncle Tom's Cabin. Burn it. Someone's written a book on tobacco and cancer of the lungs? The cigarette people are weeping? Burn the book..." Eventually, there was nothing of substance left.

That, plus industrialization and incredible advances in technology, led to this fast-paced, pleasure-seeking, instant gratification society where everyone is conveniently tuned out. The country is on the verge of war, and no one cares.

The characters, most notably Mildred, have a brainwashed feel...like their minds have been turned to mush...but really there's no one to blame. There's no Big Brother. Just a gradual, collective checking out. People in Bradbury's world no longer read, think, discuss, create, savor, or reflect.

Which brings me to my second misconception...Despite the title, it's not really a book about censorship and burning books. Initially Montag, the protagonist, thinks books are the answer. If society stopped burning books, if people started reading books again, they could unlock the secret to happiness...uncover the solution to all their problems. The world would be saved. Then he meets the professor who tells him, "It's not books you need, it's some of the things that once were in books...Books were only one type of receptacle where we stored a lot of the things we were afraid we might forget. There is nothing magical in them at all. The magic is only in how they stitched the patches of the universe together into one garment for us."

The professor goes on to name three things that are missing from this society: 1. Quality of information 2. Leisure to digest it 3. The right to carry out actions based on what we learn from the interaction of the first two...and that idea of taking action is reinforced by Granger at the end of the book. Granger, one of the Book People, says, "Everyone must leave something behind when he dies...a child or a book or a painting or house or a wall built or a pair of shoes made. Or a garden planted...It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you once you take your hands away." So lovely! And, it seems to me, that is the crux of Fahrenheit 451.

It's a cautionary tale...warning us of the dangers of becoming spectators. Perhaps even more relevant now than it was in 1953.

Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld

I'm a sucker for boarding school novels in the same way I'm a sucker for southern lit: A Separate Peace. Looking for Alaska. The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau-Banks. I can't get enough of them...I'm sure it's because, on some level, I wish I'd been part of that kind of world myself...strolling around campus on a fall day in my plaid skirt and fleece vest, old brick buildings, well-manicured lawns, playing tennis or field hockey...or maybe rowing...sledding down snowy hills on cafeteria trays, skiing on spring break, playing Frisbee in the circle on a warm spring day...the traditions...the prestige. Boarding school books let me live vicariously...and for a few chapters, I thought I'd enjoy trying on Lee Fiora's life as much as Frankie's or Alaska's or Gene's or Finny's.

I could absolutely relate to her longing to go to a school like Ault. The comparisons she made between the Ault campus and her public school in South Bend, Indiana. Her obsession with the glossy school catalog. The way she spent hours pouring over old yearbooks...and I admired the fact that she made it happen for herself.

I could also relate to some of the teenage angst...at least early on...On page 15 she describes the beginning of her time at Ault: "...I was exhausted all the time by both my vigilance and my wish to be inconspicuous. At soccer practice, I worried that I would miss the ball, when we boarded the bus for games at other schools, I worried that I would take a seat by someone who didn't want to sit next to me, in class I worried that I would say the wrong or foolish thing. I worried that I took too much food at meals, or that I did not disdain the food you were supposed to disdain--Tater Tots, key lime pie--and at night, I worried that Dede or Sin-Jun would hear me snore. I always worried that someone would notice me, and then when no one did, I felt lonely."

But as I got to know Lee better...as the book wore on...I became more and more frustrated with her. How can anyone be so self-absorbed? So paranoid? So horrible??? For so long? I understand that she would feel like an outsider initially...being in a new place...not knowing anyone...afraid the other kids would figure out she didn't belong...but then she had so many chances. People did reach out to her. Dede...Conchita...Cross...Darden...even Aspeth. If she had just been able to pull herself together and act "normal" for a few minutes...

I kept reading...propelled forward by the hope that things would turn out better for Lee than she expected (or frankly deserved). But in the end, she ended up more isolated than ever. And I can't help but think she wasted a wonderful opportunity.

Some critics have made the claim that Prep is about social class, race, and gender politics...as if it's the story of how the institution or the people at Ault kept Lee and others like her on the fringes; but I think Lee isolated herself. She's the one to blame. She wouldn't let anyone get close. She over-analyzed every exchange...every interaction.

I wanted her to put on a dress and go to a dance...get a cup of punch...stand around with the other girls who weren't dancing...be a wallflower. After she went to the movie with Cross and his friends, I wanted her to say hi to him in the cafeteria. She didn't have to act like they were best friends...but at least smile and acknowledge him...give him some indication that she was interested. OR...if she wasn't going to make an effort to fit in...I at least wanted her to embrace life on the outside. Rebel. Dress like Conchita. Date the kitchen guy. But don't be so worried about not being popular...that you won't associate with anyone.

And the way she was with her parents. Wow! Of course...they could have made more of an effort, too. It was important to her, so you think they could have tried to be less weird.

Basically...Prep was like reliving all the worst parts of adolescence...without any of the happiest moments. It was pretty painful.

The Hunger Games Series by Suzanne Collins

I've been hearing great things about this series since at least last summer...from readers of all ages. Many of my sixth graders read it and loved it, but many adults I know have been raving about it, too. Considering I'm not a huge sci-fi fan, I wasn't sure I'd enjoy it...but, eventually, curiosity won out.

The Hunger Games is set in a futuristic, dystopian society, which Collins makes so real. In a nutshell...a wave of natural disasters struck North America, chaos erupted, and "the Capitol" emerged and seized control. Now, the Capitol keeps its 12 outlying Districts in line through intimidation and force. Living conditions in the Districts are appalling...people are starving, they're forced to work impossibly long hours in hazardous conditions for little pay, they're imprisoned within their home Districts by electric fences, they're constantly monitored and kept powerless, while people in the Capitol live in total luxury.

To remind the Districts just how powerless they really are, the Capitol forces each one to send a boy and girl between the ages of 12-18 to the annual Hunger Games...a televised fight to death...gladiator style. The "tributes" are chosen via a lottery which they call "the reaping". Every child's name is entered once for each year of eligibility (12-year-olds are entered once...18-year-olds are entered seven times), but families can choose to have their children's names entered multiple times in exchange for food and fuel. Many must do so in order to survive.

In the first book in the series, we meet 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen. Her 12-year-old sister Prim, whose name has only been entered in the reaping once, is chosen against all odds as the female tribute from District 12. Knowing Prim has no chance of survival, Katniss volunteers to take her place. We follow Katniss on her journey from home to the Capitol to the arena. She's an underdog going in...but she's not totally skill-less: She's awesome with a bow and arrow. She's an experienced tracker and hunter. She's spent time in the woods...knows which plants are edible...climbs trees effortlessly. Plus, she's smart, and she has an incredibly strong spirit. Propelled by her anger toward the Capitol and her love for her family and friends back home, Katniss quickly emerges as a force to be reckoned with...

Collins achieves this great balance in Katniss...we're terrified for her, but we also have hope that she'll somehow manage to survive. And then...as if there wasn't already enough tension, she begins to fall in love with Peeta, her fellow District 12 tribute...Only she knows, and so do we, that there's no way they can both survive.

As we're watching all of this unfold, so are Katniss' and Peeta's families and friends...and everyone in Panem. All eyes are glued to their TVs. The nation is captivated by Katniss and Peeta, just as we are as readers...and we clearly get the sense that feelings of discontent and unrest are beginning to stir in the Districts. Katniss becomes a symbol of the injustice and cruelty of the Capitol. Her spirit gives the people of Panem hope...and energy begins to build.

Every chapter in The Hunger Games is its own mini cliff-hanger...you can't possibly fold down the corner, turn out the light, and go to sleep. You must read on...and on...and on...because you're dying to know what's going to happen to Katniss and Peeta, her family, her District, her world. Collins masterfully propels you forward. As soon as I finished Book One, I had to start Catching Fire, and now I'm eagerly awaiting the release of Mockingjay, the final book in the trilogy...which doesn't come out until August 24!!!

Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green and David Levithan

John Green is one of my favorite authors. I discovered him just a couple of years ago. He writes these smart, edgy "adolescent lit" novels (Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, Paper Towns) all of which have the quirkiest, most original characters. (I say "adolescent lit" because, although his characters are in high school, the novels are definitely R-Rated...especially in terms of language...occasionally in terms of subject matter.)

Will Grayson, Will Grayson is Green's latest, co-authored with David Levithan...who I'd never encountered before. They wrote alternating chapters from the perspectives of two different characters both named...Will Grayson. I was fascinated by the concept and eager to get my hands on anything Green had anything to do with.

The Original Will Grayson...written by Green...is seventeen. He lives in a ritzy suburb of Chicago. Both his parents are doctors. He's been best friends with Tiny Cooper since fifth grade. Tiny is...according to Will..."not the world's gayest person, and he's not the world's largest person but...he may be the world's largest person who is really, really gay and also the world's gayest person who is really, really large." Will feels like he lives in Tiny's shadow. After a school-board member gets all upset about "gays in the locker room," Will writes a signed letter to the editor of the school newspaper defending Tiny's right to "be both gigantic (and, therefore,the best member of the football team's offensive line) and gay." Will's other "friends" end up Never Talking to Him Again, and Will takes this event as further proof that his two rules for life are essential. Rule #1: Don't care too much. Rule #2: Shut up. He says, "Everything unfortunate that has ever happened to me has stemmed from failure to follow one of the two rules." The Original Will Grayson is guarded...cynical...somewhat resentful...lonely.

The other will grayson...written by Levithan...is also seventeen. He lives on the opposite side of Chicago...in a tiny, run-down apartment with his mom, who struggles to make ends meet. His dad is totally out of the picture. The other will grayson is beyond cynical. He writes, "i am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me...those seem to be the two choices, everything else is just killing time."

Butandso...the two Will Graysons meet...in the most unlikely spot and under the most unlikely circumstances...and this novel is all about what happens when their lives become intertwined. It's ultimately about truth, taking risks, and trying and failing and trying again...metaphorically ripping the lid off "Schrodinger's Box" and peering inside, despite how terrifying that can be. It's about love in all it's complexity and all it's forms...

That's why I love John Green (and David Levithan?) so much. His novels are so entertaining and accessible...but they're also smart and layered and thought-provoking...He's a phenomenal storyteller.

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

I inhaled this book! I've been up till two or three every night this week reading...I just couldn't stop turning the pages...I would tell myself, "One more chapter. That's it. Then turn off the light and go to sleep." But one more chapter would turn into just one more and then another. It was incredibly suspenseful. Much of the time I was filled with dread...so afraid for Aibileen, Minny, and Skeeter...but I HAD to know what was going to happen. It was like watching a scary movie with my eyes half covered...seeing it unfold through the cracks between my fingers.

I fell in love with the characters...and though I'm embarrassed to admit it...with the world of the story. I fully realize Jackson, Mississippi circa 1960 is no place to romanticize, but I couldn't help myself. I'm a sucker for southern literature...and I feel like Kathryn Stockett captured the South here...the good, the bad, and the ugly. Something about it resonates with me...it's almost like it's in my genes...encoded on my DNA...

Which made me wonder...if I had lived in that time and place...how would I have treated "the help"? How would I have felt about the Civil Rights Movement? Which character would I have been? I wish I could say Skeeter...but I'm not sure I'm that brave (or...reckless). I HOPE I wouldn't have been Hilly, but I do enjoy being in charge and being in the spotlight. I'm very traditional...and fairly conservative...I don't go around rocking the boat. Maybe I would have been somewhere in between. A Lou Anne...quietly doing what's right behind closed doors. It's really hard to say...

But this book makes me want to take more risks...do something BIG...something noble. It makes me grateful for all those people who have.